You are divorce planning. The reason no longer matters. Communication may have failed. Months or years of marital counseling have not worked. You may be struggling whether to stay together “for the kids.” But you finally made your decision. Even though there is some second-guessing, you know you need to divorce for your own sanity.
First thought: kids know when parents are staying together because of them, far more often than you think.
Second thought: do you truly know what your children want for you and your spouse? Your own happiness. A happy you helps them to be happy.
Third thought: what is the real divorce trial? Nope, it’s not the one in Court. Nope, it’s not the one in your head, either. The real trial is that your children are watching you, judging you. They are trying to decide which parent’s ethical core to follow as they grow up.
Do you want your children to grow up believing they can have relationships, marriage, and a family? If so, how you divorce will show them their future path.
What is an ethical divorce? Think back to the positive values you were taught, whether at home, a place of worship, or elsewhere. Home in on those specifics of right and wrong.
Then, go see an experienced divorce attorney. Let your attorney know what you want—a divorce that gives you what you need and can be worn as a badge of honor, not disgrace.
Is an ethical divorce always possible? No. Your spouse may have other ideas. The phrase “hell hath no fury” comes to mind. Perhaps your spouse has a borderline personality, is a narcissist, or worse. Your best efforts might not yield the perfect bilateral, ethical divorce. But you can still take the high road, although there may be times your divorce attorney has to take action to protect you and your children.
Just remember your children are watching, as they will so often emulate the actions and conduct of one or both parents. Sometimes, the biggest victory in divorce is the comfort that your children have grown up and have the best values you could have hoped for.
SIEGELLAW can help you explore what an ethical divorce means to you and your family. Call us at 410-792-2300 or fill out the form on this page to request additional information.